• advice to a college kid, and you

   

"If a friend ask you to go with him for a mile,

            Go with him two."

A friend emailed the other day to ask for my advice with his son who is home from college and disillusioned about going back. I get this question fairly often, “My kid is uninspired about life. What should we do?” Here’s my reply. Names have been changed.

Dear Lou AND Bud,

Your great dad, Lou, tells me you don't know what to do with your life, well get in line and take a number, Bud. Me, too. 
    I am 55 and last year on my birthday I called the California state highway commission trying to get an old "55 MPH" sign to hang in my loft. The man said, "I haven't seen one of those in a while." And then he said, "I think your number has been canceled."
    Wow! I felt invisible, irrelevant, deceased.
    I think and I KNOW that everyone has moments throughout all of their life when they are not certain what moves to make next.
    Left or right, paper or plastic, window or aisle, DVD or Blue Ray, Chicken or Steak . . . HELP!
    IF someone glides through life unconfused and un-conflicted, my suspicion is they are heavily medicated and living in a small, soft room, being cared for by folks in white coats.
   The human mind is a vastly creative, curious, easily distracted, and very powerful–all at the same time. But we also have a heart, eyes, ears, tongue, and our life's experiences to aid in our daily choices: window or aisle, red or white wine, smoking or non-smoking, paper or plastic, white, wheat, rye, or sourdough?

What do you love to do, Bud?

If you were given a year to do whatever you wanted to do, what would that be? (If your answer is, "Go sit on a beach in Hawaii or Tahiti!" well, then just go sit on the beach and come home with an answer.)
    You are young enough to try a few things before settling into exactly what your "major" is--in life and in college. Maybe you take a year off from formal schooling and get an education in the working world. List a few places you think you might enjoy working. It could even be part time job, or two, while you are also volunteering at __________. And consider places to work NOT near home. Think of relatives you could go live with (rent free or real cheap at least) and spend a year in Atlanta, Chicago, Ireland. Who do you know? Who do your parents know?
    Most of my theatre friends went to college and got nice little BA degree in speech, communications, theatre. Then the day after graduation they went back to work making sandwiches by day and doing plays--for free--by night. If you were to ask them, "What do you do (for a living, a job)?" They would ALL answer, "I'm an actor." Even if they were making zero money in the theatre. 
    My friend's son worked in a "body shop" (auto repair) all through high school and college. He loved it. Upon graduation from college (with a business degree) he became assistant manager of the place--moving from hourly wage to salary. HE still gets to work on cars, a lot. He still loves it and cannot imagine doing anything else in life.

What do you love, Bud?

If you don't know, fine. What are two or three activities you enjoy or like a lot, that make you happy when doing them? In fact, if, when you get up tomorrow, knew you were going to spend the day _____________ (fill in the blank) what is it in that blank that would make you wake up excited about your day?
    Another friend went on a long-overdue vacation from her corporate, 60 hours-a-week job (that she liked). She really needed a break. She told her travel agent to put her on the most remote, sunny beach she could get to quickly. She ended up in a tiny, beach-front house on an island in the southern-most corner of the Caribbean. I had never heard of this place and I've been all over the Caribbean. Her second week there, after just sitting on the beach reading, she walk into town (half mile) for lunch and saw a dive shop. Her curiosity lead her to poke around, ask a lot of questions, and take a basic, one-day scuba diving lesson. (She had never even been snorkeling before. She's Canadian.) She loved scuba diving, so . . . she bought the dive shop, hired the previous owner as her senior instructor and lived there for nearly two years. Then, she sold the business, at a profit! Upon her return, she was a far more sane, and calm person. A the tannest Canadian in history. Corporate life had made her hyper. Doing what she loved gave her life back.

What do you love, Bud?

Spend a year, living at home and doing THAT. And, if there's a community college near by, take a couple of courses that sound interesting to you. TRY SOME NEW THINGS and get college credit trying. You are young and there's no rush to DECIDE this week, this month, or this year. I suspect, too, your dad and mom wouldn't mind having you around the house for a little while longer. You will too soon be gone for good.
    But even when you do decide and move on, they can come visit you at your new _______ in __________.
    Please feel free to call me, email me, ignore me, whenever.
    Hint: I tend to answer the shortest emails (2 or 3 questions) right away. Long emails I save in the "To be answered by Jesus, someday" file.
   
   
McNair 

P.S. If you find a really great job, hire me! 

Now get out on the dance floor and start moving those feet.

Comments

[Dave Smith]

Hey McNair,

Loved this advice! Kids are forced to decide earlier and earlier. I'm trying to read through your favorites list. I started with Orbiting... (read that one three times and used it in two sermons) and just finished Messy Spirituality. Yaconelli is so on target. I'm working on Tom Peter's book right now.
Thanks,
Dave